I get it. Died three times now and one of these days I bet I'll stop kicking. And on that second one--
I chose it. Killed myself. Killed the version of me that slaughtered innocent people for a hundred years, just for the fun of it. Vampires don't have souls, you know. We don't feel a thing when we do what you did in the woods. What you did to your old man.
So I asked to get it back. Went through a funhouse mirror of people I've loved and people who've hurt me and picked the wrong doors, over and over, until I finally picked the right one and it was just me, there, in the end. Had to face myself. The self that felt it all, that regretted it, that knew every drop of pain he'd inflicted and knew what it would take to atone for it.
He killed me. And I crawled out of the dirt with my soul right back behind my ribs. And it made me want to die all over again.
So I know what it feels like, Nat. The torment of it. Hurting people you care about and even ones you don't. Not gonna tell you it gets better and not gonna tell you to stop wanting it to end. I want it to end, too.
But I'm not going anywhere. You've still got me. I'm here with you.
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cw more suicide
I get it. Died three times now and one of these days I bet I'll stop kicking. And on that second one--
I chose it. Killed myself. Killed the version of me that slaughtered innocent people for a hundred years, just for the fun of it. Vampires don't have souls, you know. We don't feel a thing when we do what you did in the woods. What you did to your old man.
So I asked to get it back. Went through a funhouse mirror of people I've loved and people who've hurt me and picked the wrong doors, over and over, until I finally picked the right one and it was just me, there, in the end. Had to face myself. The self that felt it all, that regretted it, that knew every drop of pain he'd inflicted and knew what it would take to atone for it.
He killed me. And I crawled out of the dirt with my soul right back behind my ribs. And it made me want to die all over again.
So I know what it feels like, Nat. The torment of it. Hurting people you care about and even ones you don't. Not gonna tell you it gets better and not gonna tell you to stop wanting it to end. I want it to end, too.
But I'm not going anywhere. You've still got me. I'm here with you.