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[ a few days after spike arrives, after finding silco in the woods — ]

u have to sleep on the floor tonight
and maybe every night after that 🔫

[ she might have let him share her bed before. shut up. ]

Edited 2025-03-09 21:07 (UTC)

This a kink thing? Because I usually like to know a girl more than a couple days before we start putting my blood in a doggy bowl on the floor

wouldn’t it get all
coagulated
down there

whatever
don’t be gross doggy 🙄

someone showed up
and he’s kinda
not my dad or anything

but he
took care of me
for a while

I wouldn't let it sit in the bowl all day, obviously

But I'm not actually gonna drink blood out of a doggy bowl. So don't try it

[ Give him a sec to process the rest of that. ]

Old man's not a fan of us consummating before marriage, huh

dont tell me ur proposing stud

he’s not OLD old
he’s like YOU old

[ lmao ]

u got gangs where ur from?
he’s the big bad of the undercity

Not unless you've got a good chunk of change for a dowry

Maybe a decent car too

Hey, I'm sprightly for a vampire

'Course we got gangs. Led a handful of them myself.

What sort of big bad are we talking?

i could build u a car
dont need silco for that 🙄

but he’s the biggest
and baddest

[ 🥰 ]

try not to piss him off, fangs

Edited (i wasn’t DONE) 2025-03-09 22:23 (UTC)

You can build me a car? Knew there was a reason I liked you, Baby Blue

Used to be I was the biggest and baddest everywhere I went. [ Citation needed. ]

No guarantees on not pissing him off, but I'll make an attempt

besides my perfect tits oi oi love

[ this is a spike impression. it’s better in person. ]

i can build u anything u want
if ur good 😇

That's not what I sound like

You've already got firsthand experience of just how good I can be.

How about a motorbike? Less work than a car. Can zip around the grounds with you in style

[ CACKLING ]

oh giles would HATE that 😈
we’ll see what i can do
depending on CONTINUED good behaviour 😏

Yeah, he sure would

Hold on, how do you know Giles? Don't tell me he's here too

everyone knows giles
talks like u but fancier
“unamused by antics”

[ direct quote. ]

God, yeah, that's him. Should've known they'd bring him over here to spoil the party. Probably making camp in the library as we speak

ugh 🙄 figures
oh u can request stuff from the library btw the big one
u put it up a tube and it listens sometimes 🤷‍♀️
i’ll let u have what it gave me last time 🖤

[ which is, in fact, a large shirt that says “i love cock” so. ]

Put what up a tube? The request? [ He's not making any assumptions, here. ]

Thanks, I think

ur dick

the request, dummy

Ha ha very funny

Can think of better places to put my dick and get all my wishes granted anyway

oh yeah?
what r u waiting for then

🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

[ get moving!! ]

On my way, little blueberry

Is it common practice for vampires in your world to bite anyone they come across?

[ astarion didn't you try to bite someone while they were asleep at camp

astarion

hey astarion ]

I mean. Yeah

This a thought experiment or are you seriously asking

Also: who the hell are you

Call it a thought experiment, to see just what kind of fellow I'd be dealing with.

From one vampire to another (and yes, I know you hardly need the advice), there are plenty of willing necks in this house if you'd simply bother to ask.

Yeah, I'd gathered that. Not that it's any of your business, but I needed to test something

And it's not like I killed the guy. Lucky thing, since he was looking pretty scraggly

I'd say it is my business, considering who you chose to bite.

Testing what, exactly?

He your personal bloodbag or something? Look, I'm new, I don't know all the intricacies of Posh Evil Manor etiquette or whatever

Also none of your business. But I haven't been able to eat people in a while. Wanted to see if that changed.

He's nobody's bloodbag.

[ A pause, as Astarion tests out the words sweetheart, boyfriend, and beloved, and chickens out of using any of them, not least because someone so rude hardly deserves that kind of information. ]

[ Finally, allowed because "none of your business" was followed by a fairly clear rundown of what was going on — and, in more seriousness, because Astarion's been through that particular gauntlet, himself: ]

I suppose that's enough of an explanation.

In answer to your previous question, I'm Astarion. I'd say it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance but I'd imagine we've already knocked that particular hurdle out of the way.

Sorry I nibbled on your not-bloodbag, Astarion. Won't happen again.

[ Least of all because he tastes like a barrel of nuclear waste. ]

[ Speaking of which... ]

You know your mate's blood's gone off, right? Might want to get that looked at.

Tastes like that ultra-caffeinated lemonade that landed all those lawsuits for killing people

[

]

what

You've tasted him, right? Blood's like battery acid.

How do you know what battery acid tastes like?

I pour it into little blood cocktails. Eroding my innards just to keep life spicy

Read 7:29 PM

Guess I won't be inviting you to my next battery acid cocktail party then

[ At the crypt that Spike’s taken to calling his own and Jinx has affectionally named “the saddest place in the world”, she has helpfully decorated a blank, dilapidated wall with sprawling graffiti (including the claim, SPIKE’S PLACE, in her jagged scrawl, explosions, skulls, and a fanged version of her usual monkeys, to boot).

And on a card, left on whatever piece of cement he calls a table, she writes: ]

SEE YA AT PROM, FANGS.

[ Accompanied by a drawing of figures that are clearly them, dancing at said prom. Not asking him so much as telling but, hey, it’s affectionate. ]

[ A day-ish later, a photo of a big, overstuffed blue armchair in front of the graffiti wall, definitely stolen from some posh sitting room or other. ]

Got you a chair to go with your mural. For when you want to come watch telly with me

You sure it's me you want to take to the big dance, pet? Daddy won't give us an 8 PM curfew?

[ re: the chair — ]

🩵📺👾💥

don’t get all shy on me now
u reaaaaally think i don’t know what i want
and do what i want
whenever i want it

Yeah, fair enough

If the dance gets boring I reckon we can make our own fun

uh oh
u haven’t been to the club yet huh
there’s always a twist, spikey
oughta worry about it being too much fun 🤭

Yeah? Last prom I heard about, the mayor turned into a giant snake and ate the school principal. We talking that kind of fun, or the other kind?

[ Because there are just two, obviously. ]

whoooooa
wish i was there
mostly they give u stuff that makes u horny
but i heard some people came
back from the dead one time

They really are all about the shag here, aren't they? Could be worse I guess

maybe it gives em energy
like a generator

And how does one get from "William" to "Spike," exactly?

Don't tell me you've never fancied a little image change in your hundred-plus years on earth

That's what it is? An image change?

What's the point of becoming undead if you can't shake things up a little?

Had the nickname half-picked for me already, though. Got to be "William the Bloody," first.

I suppose I'd be picking low-hanging fruit to say that's hardly imaginative.

At any rate, I've met more than a few undead who didn't have a choice in the matter. I don't believe "shaking things up" even entered into the picture.

Edited 2025-04-13 04:48 (UTC)

Spike's more fun than William the Bloody, ain't it. And less of a mouthful.

You talking about yourself, stud? Or are the other few undead in the room with us now?

I couldn't possibly say.

Half-picked, then, hm? By whom?

Reputation. Used to kill people with railroad spikes.

[ u can roll Insight against his Deception to see if he's telling the whole truth, here ]

I take it you didn't beg to be made, then, did you?

You know, if you want to get away with a lie, it helps for it to be believable.

[ why bother with an insight check when you can just bluff ... ]

I suppose that means you did?

Not a lie, mate. But I wouldn't say we're good enough friends for the whole story. No offense.

Wasn't looking for it, exactly. Not like all those groupies who hang around vampire towns dying for a bite.

Dru saved me. Found me miserable in a back alley and changed everything. She was the only creature in the world that understood me.

No offense taken. I wouldn't, either.

[ Though it's funny that he'd keep that to himself, yet bare the circumstances of his turning. One intimacy withheld, another given. Odd little duck. ]

You were lucky.

[ More honest than he's trying to be, hence— ]

"Vampire towns"?

Guessing that means you were unlucky.

[ Not a question. But he's not exactly being flip about it, either. ]

Well, Sunnydale's a Hell Mouth, so it's more than just a vamp town. We've got demons, cultists, you name it. Makes sense to set up shop where you can get good eats.

Sometimes one has to make one's own luck.

Do you all prey on mortal humans? That sounds like rather stiff competition.

That's a nice way of dodging the details.

Yeah, you'd think, wouldn't you? Sunnydale's never low on fodder, for some reason.

Thank you — you can have it for free.

Are there any downsides, then?

Most other creatures of the night would say the Slayer's a big one. Chosen girl who fights evil. Namely us.

[ you mean like a paladin ]

Well, if there's just one, I suppose the odds aren't so bad.

You'd think, wouldn't you. I've killed a couple of 'em, but this one's got friends.

And things are a little more complicated with her, anyway.

Enough about me. How long've you been dead?

Complicated.

[ but, whatever, that's not his business! ]

Two blissful centuries. No Slayers to worry about, during that time, but it's hardly as though vampires are considered welcome houseguests in Faerûn.

Complicated. [ cue avril lavigne ]

Yeah, the invite thing's a bitch, ain't it. Did you fly solo, or have a coven situation?

[ rip astarion you would have loved avril lavigne ]

I wouldn't have called it a coven, but I wasn't alone. Yourself?

Coven, nest, gang, family.

Had something like family with Dru, but I've been alone for a minute.

[ Frankly, he wouldn't have called it any of those other options, either. ]

Out of preference? Or just happenstance?

Well, you know. Fall out with a girl and you land in your own cozy little bachelor pad. [ Crypt-shaped, just like here. ]

You're real good at turning these right back around on me without giving me much of anything, aren't you? Don't think I don't notice.

Good — I'd be quite offended if you didn't. It's an art, you know.

Not all that interested in pulling teeth to get you sharing, but you ever want to get hammered and talk about how unlucky you were, the crypt's open.

Thank you, William. I'll keep that in mind.

Only my lovers call me that, you know.

If that were true, your little blue friend would have painted it all over the walls by now.

Maybe it's our little secret.

I’ll be sure to mention that to the yearbook next time.

Most likely to break hearts! What a superlative. I have to assume there’s a story behind it, my friend.

What can I say? I've always been bad

Tough break on coolest powers, though

Ah, well, it was an honour to be nominated, as a man past his prime. You know as well as I that my powers have soured, so to speak.

[ having tasted the rot in his veins. ]

Is it not a lonely role to play? The rake so oft exits the stage before we know him well at all.

But you can still do a neat trick or three, yeah? Despite the lemon blood.

You want a taste of the rake, mate? Bet your boyfriend wouldn't like that.

A flattering entreaty, but you’ll find I’m quite content with the love of my life.

[ u can’t embarrass a SIMP. ]

To answer your sincere question, however, yes, I remain an exceptional wizard. The talent and ego of a generation, as my professor so frankly put it.

And, I should add, a mage uniquely well—equipped to assist you with the request you put to the network not so long ago.

Well, good for you. You find real love, you'd best hold onto it.

Never know when it might leave you for a fungus demon, or die and come crawling traumatized back out of the earth.

That right? Is brain stuff your specialty?

I hope that’s keen hindsight and not prescience.

[ but he files that tell of tenderness away, deciding against poking the wound for now. ]

I’ve an array of telepathic spells at my disposal, for a start, and a recent acquisition has only honed that skillset. If you would abide a look inside your mind, I may be able to assist you. Though I make no promises beyond my best, of course, without understanding the scope of the problem.

Edited 2025-04-14 21:04 (UTC)

Tell you what, if your boyfriend finds himself a fungus demon I'll off the slimy bastard for you on the house

Worth trying, anyway. Just don't go rooting around in my memories without permission. Last bugger who did that is #1 on my shitlist in this house.

So you’ve met the vampire Armand.

[ said affectionally. ]

I’ve no intention of intruding on your memories uninvited. One does not simply barge into the home of another.

Yeah, I've met him. He dangle you from the ceiling and slam you into stone walls so hard you've got a rib that'll never set right, too?

Not when he’s in his right mind, no. I should think he’s fond of me — at least to the extent a cat can favour a mouse.

[ self-awareness… ]

Are you two at odds?

Pretty sure this torture was wholly premeditated, mate.

As a vampire who knows how we work... You manage to get on his bad side, or even his less-fond side, I don't doubt he'd cut your fingers off for trophies. Just a word to the wise.

He’s been through a great deal, of late, but I’m sorry to hear you’ve experienced any violence at his hand.

[ guy who has experienced violence at both of their hands now apologising on their behalf. ]

Are you all right?

You know, you lot are profoundly weird, excusing vampire violence due to childhood trauma or whatever.

Most humans who know about us back home are either staking us or running screaming. Or very dead.

Yeah, I'm fine. Had a god plunge her hands into my guts and root around not that long ago, so I've had worse.

I was thinking of the rather more recent trauma of losing two lovers in the span of a month, but even that isn’t an excuse for violence, no.

A god! My, you are lucky to live through such an encounter. We are but playthings to the heavens and the hells.

Well. Guess I've been homicidal for less, but that's vampires, for you.

He's still a tit.

No kidding. Was prepared not to survive that final showdown, frankly. Gods get all in your business where you're from, too?

Oh, certainly. I myself was the Chosen and lover of the goddess of magic before I displeased Her so.

Lover, even? I know a witch back home who'd be right jealous.

What's the Chosen thing entail?

An understandable feeling, though one I’d caution against, after having been touched by the divine.

[ which is about as negative about mystra and the gods as he’s ever been. ]

To be Chosen is to be exalted, granted cosmic power beyond any peer, near divinity — and to be bound to use it in service of your god. Their wants become your own. Their glory, your greatest pursuit. Indeed, the Chosen are the champions of their gods, enacting their justice and furthering their cause across the realm.

Sounds like a deal with the devil with a glossy coat of paint on it.

Power's nice, yeah. But anyone at the top of the food chain will never really want to share, you know?

It did not seem that way, when I was young and perhaps more impressionable than I would like to believe, even now.

It was glorious, too, for a time.

But it was my very desire to be an equal, not a servant, that lost her favour, so I shall have to concede your point.

[ he thinks — hopes that he would be different, if he seized the crown. ]

Can see how that'd be tempting. Can't blame you, really. We've all gone after some shiny thing that winds up biting us in the end.

Guess you're lucky to still be in one piece, all things considered.

Quite. And to have found a love that can be returned in full.

Expecting an invite to the wedding any day now.

Just don't ask me to show up in formalwear.

[ !!!!!! ]

My mother would never forgive me if she were unable to attend my nuptials, but I assure you I’m tempted.

And multiple ceremonies are terribly en vogue in Waterdeep, at the moment.

Edited 2025-05-04 16:34 (UTC)

I know a few demon types who have week-long shindigs. Exhausting. Half the wedding party's decapitated or cannibalized by the end of 'em.

Not quite what I’m after, but I shall keep it in mind.

Edited 2025-05-05 10:37 (UTC)

hey i need help

This the urgent sort of help or more of a "should I do matte or glossy finish on my nails today" situation

kinda more the first one sorry it's

( an awkward pause. shauna, she thinks. it's shauna. )

it's hard to explain but i'm pretty sure i'm being hunted. i have to protect me and trav. you know trav? he was at my party. he's i mean he's not like me, i mean. he's good. he's the only good thing. and he has to be okay. you know? i don't know if i can protect him but he has to be okay can you help? i just need a place until i come up with a plan

Hunted. By something here? Or someone?

Don't remember meeting your boy, but you can both come to the crypt. Easy enough to hunker down down here. I've got you

someone yeah

( but — i've got you. has nat ever heard anything kinder in her life? )

thanks spike. i swear we'll be out of your hair sooner rather than later

Just don't let your boyfriend eat all my Bugles.

[ Then, though Spike's fairly sure he knows the answer-- ]

This one of your girls from the woods?

this is not me crossing the five day line but it is a warning. you tell anyone anything about what happened i will stake you. i mean it, spike.

Damn, Slayer, you barely made it 24 hours

i'm serious. giles found my underwear. do you have any idea how humiliating that is?

Well, I didn't steal it this time, so that's all on him

what do you mean THIS time?

[ oop. ]

Typo. Obviously

you're disgusting. stay away from my underwear.

Making my work easy for me, if you're gonna rip it off every time I see you

( nts never wear skirts again, they make it way too easy to act slutty. )

that was a one time thing and it's over now. you can go steal jinx's underwear.

[ like she wouldn't just turn her denim into tear-away jeans!! ]

Wouldn't even have to. She'd be nice and just give them to me. As a gift.

did that sound cool in your head?

Aren't you supposed to be pretending you don't want to talk to me?

( TCH )

fine stop messaging me

You first

fine

Good

👎

👍

[ The man who steps ( rudely! ) through the doors where Spike is convalescing after being

um, shot in the dick fr???

wears an arched, fae-like expression of distaste; wearing a crocheted top underneath flowy forest green, linen overalls, his hair seems brighter than ever. His eyes, even narrowed as they are, are unmistakably red — dark pupils narrowed, thin as an animal's in the sunlight. He's somewhere between masculine and feminine in shape, lines strong and smooth in eldritch perfection; a pretty face with full lips, flawless skin and dark kohl painted in Egyptian fashion.

He stands in the door's frame, raking his eyes over Spike's state and ruining whatever prettiness he has by declaring, imperiously: ] Was the honeymoon canceled, then?

[ All things considered, this recovery isn't anywhere near as miserable as getting tossed around like a ragdoll by Armand. But getting shot in the dick is still getting shot in the dick, and Spike's inclined to lay low when half the manor is still out for his blood.

So he's in the crypt when Set finds him, propped up on his pillows in bed. Nat and her friends have cleared out, but he hasn't exactly gotten around to tidying since--more soda and chip bags lying around than usual, game consoles and DVDs out of place.

More notably, though, Spike's very naked. Bruises and cuts still healing on his face and torso, dark red sheets pulled low over his hips. He's holding a sad bag of frozen peas on top of the fabric over his groin, his other arm slung behind the pillow. ]

Very canceled.

[ Deadpan, as Set announces himself. Spike doesn't sit up properly, just shifts to get a better look at him, one brow arching. ]

You're the MILF, yeah?

Vice-MILF. You may call me Set. I am Egypt's god of war and the desert.

[ Said, with a lofty lift of his chin; one might think such a title ( runner-up in the category of "damn you're a hot mom"...... ) would be ill-suited for him, but he's come to be quite affectionate of him. And Alicent holds the foremost title, which he will not detract from. In terms of quantity, at least.

His eyes rake over the battered, bruised figure before him — lacking the distinct hostility of those who had attended the vow renewals, to say the least. Set's gaze is remote, more akin to an animal observing something it might conclude to be prey. Eventually. His smile curls at the corners and eyes crease into cat-like moons of mean pleasure, when he spots the bag of frozen peas puddled between Spike's thighs. Daaaamn. ]

I did say you were a step down for her. Unfortunate, that you were beaten so thoroughly for something out of your control. That is the way things are done here, I have found. You are a friend until you overstep into the life of those seen as your betters, and then you are reminded of it.

[ He steps forward, holding a large clay jug in the curled crook of one finger. From the palm of the other, swirls of sand begin to form into deep, broad-mouthed cups of similar material. Deep red clay, painted upon in vibrant colors — lapis blues and malachite greens, gold and red as violent as his hair and eyes. Small scenes of revelry, done in the style of the Ancient Egyptians. ]

— I came to make up for my own scoldings. I thought you ready to abandon me to Alina, and was very cross.

[ A god. That makes Spike sit up a little, fingers tightening reflexively around the bag of peas. Not that long ago he was helping a girl save the world from a very psychotic, very powerful god--and got thoroughly battered and bruised for it, much worse than the state he's in now.

So Set will have to forgive him if he looks wary, brow creasing as he takes in the regal form at the door to his crypt. Pretty or handsome or both, there is something uncanny there. ]

Lucky for me, I don't have many friends to begin with.

[ With a flat smile, as he shifts up on an elbow. Funny thing is, he has more friends here than he did back home, but that's easy when you can count the number on one hand.

The magic sand draws Spike's attention. Even if Set says he's come to make up for his scoldings, he doesn't have the best track record with magic, either. ]

Definitely not abandoning anyone for Alina, after all that. [ With a wince, and a tilt of his head, ] Please tell me you're not about to magic my dick off.

Magic? [ Glancing to the sands unfurling from his flesh, ribbons made from grains. ] No, it is not magic. It is just me.

[ That's not the POINT, Set. His brow furrowed, he advances on Spike with cups and drink in tow, sliding the clay jug across the floor with a soft grinding sound before placing the fully-formed cups on the ground. Um, don't think too hard about how drinking from them is basically drinking from him, as a vessel. It gets weird and metaphysical if you start considering that. ]

I have no interest in your injured penis. Though, if it is causing you such pain, perhaps it should be removed.

[ And heedless of Spike's apprehension, he drops to the floor in a magnificent, petulant flop, rolling directly onto his belly to peer at the man. All large, red eyes and cheeks propped up between the palms of his hands, elbows elevating his torso high enough — bit like a teenage schoolgirl chatting with a friend, swinging his legs in the air behind him. Apparently, dick injuries are novel??? ]

Are you even capable of healing from such a blow? I could kill you and have your body reset!

[ It's very strange to be able to reach out like this -- to Spike of all people -- but Giles has to admit it's rather convenient. And it does mean he doesn't actually have to talk to Spike, which is a bonus. ]

I trust that you're feeling better now?

[ Spike's having a real party with these follow-ups. At least he doesn't have to see Giles's face. ]

Loads.

Hope you enjoyed the catering before all hell broke.

I'm afraid I didn't get to sample the blood fountain. Very subtle of you.

Yeah, well. Caterers gave us a mix of blood types so the taste was all mucky anyway.

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